The general assembly whispered and clamored and mumbled to one another. The Devil was scheduled to speak. They thought it ridiculous. What if this "devil" was a poser, a fraud, a filmmaker with a hidden camera to record and expose the naivete and stupidity of the UN Assembly.
The announcer stepped to the podium and spoke to the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, the"--there was a pause--"Devil."
the back of the room, the doors swung open. The Devil was dressed in a
red suit with a white tie. He wore a hat, held a cane, and was eating an
apple. He sauntered down the center aisle, and there was a creature
mounted on his left shoulder. It wasn't an animal of any sorts. If it
were, it was on fire.
When the Devil got to the podium, he took
off his hat, revealing his hair which glinted like they were made of
gold. He was beauty. And the men and women of the assembly felt their
lust roiling within their loins.
"Let me cut to the chase," said
the Devil, "I'm close friends with God, despite what you've read in your
texts. You already know who I am—Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan, Devil."
He took a bite of his apple.
"There's a situation happening in Heaven, Limbo and Hell."
interrupted Italy's representative. She threw her shoe at the Devil. He
held up his hand, and the shoe froze in the air. The devil snatched the
shoe and gave it to the creature on his shoulder. It gnawed at it like a
"Anyway. Back to my address. There's a situation
happening in the nether realms. Hell is full. New souls are being dumped
in Limbo, and soon that will be filled to capacity."
The devil took a bite of his apple.
room in Heaven. Lots of room! He's disappointed with you all. But also,
He's disappointed with Himself. After He spoke to Jesus and Buddha, he
finally admitted that he was wrong in a lot of places."
The creature interrupted with a burp. The shoe was finished.
wants to take back the ten commandments and the Bible. And He asked me
to tell everyone in the world His one commandment: have fun, but not in
the expense of others. So make laws based on that, not on the old texts
that He regrets."
Whispers and mumbles swelled in the hall.
it is. Simple as that. I've never had faith in all of you, but He did.
But don't worry. Most of you won't make it to Hell because it's
"So I urge you," the Devil turned to the camera and
stared at the billion eyes that watched, "be nice. Else, when there's no
room in Hell..."
The devil winked, put on his hat and stepped
off the podium. The hall clamored for more. What was the threat? What
would happen if they don't change their ways? But the Devil continued
on, walking the center aisle with a relaxed gait, and exited through the
His job was done, but believed it didn't matter.